Thursday, March 02, 2006

 

Bush Lays the Smackdown on Mine Safety

Today the Bush administration offered what some Washington insiders call a 'pimp slap' to mine companies by not collecting and/or reducing the amount of money the companies had been fined in mine violations. Bush said today, "Here's what we did, we decided that instead of charging mine companies for their safety violations, what we'd do is cook them a filet mignon, hire some hookers, and let them sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets in the Lincoln bedroom as a punishment for endangering the lives of Americans. It seems only fair, you know? I mean that's what Papa Cheney forces those dirty Iraqis to do, and since I'm sleeping on silk sheets, I know that I'm still the big kahuna. Woof!"
A mine company spokesman was found crying in a corner after being forced to pick at a hangnail himself instead of having use of the official presidential golden fingernail clippers.

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