Sunday, February 26, 2006

 

Celebrity Jihad Interventions: Britney Spears Part 3

Dear Brit,

There are a few things we at Celebrity Jihad are experts on--President Bush's global politics, Tara Reid's hidden intellect, Paris Hilton's cervix (but who really isn't) and what it's like to have a five month old and lose weight the laziest possible way--breastfeeding. Brit, how many men on this planet would have killed a few years back to have your boob in their mouth? A lot. Maybe not so much anymore, but there was a time when I think you could have auctioned that shit on Ebay and never have had to leave your KFC trough to record another album. Why deprive your boy of that honor? Now, there's all these experts who say that breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby. Ignore them. Here's what breastfeeding is good for--burning 500 calories a day. And giving you the excuse of exiting whatever situation you are in because you have to feed the baby. Now, I applaud you for training your personal Maria to walk ten paces behind you and bottlefeed SPF at the same time, but this is not helping you when you down that 64 oz. Frappucino and biggie fries. I can see that you're all knocked up again, and let me just advise you for next time--put the baby on the boob and love that New York Superfudge Chunk without the guilt.

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