Sunday, February 26, 2006
Bush Declares War on Avian Flu
After reports today confirming a case of Avian Flu in France, President Bush declared a "War on Avian Flu." The president said, "I've declared a lot of wars during my presidency, but this war on Avian Flu is my finest war yet. Here's what were gonna do: first, we're gonna bomb the shit out of anyone harboring Avians--or birds as I hear they're called. Then, we're gonna wiretap anyone's phones who have mentioned the words Avian or Flu or birds or feathers or beaks. Next, Clear Channel is going to ban the following songs: Free Bird, Wind Beneath My Wings, Three Little Birds, and Egg Man by the Beastie Boys. Papa Cheney is then going to hunt down all the remaining quail and white republicans in the country (excluding yours truly and anyone considered a 'Bush Pioneer'). And finally, in an ironic twist, we're going to tar and feather all of the birds we've killed. It should be good times, y'all."