Monday, January 23, 2006


Pro Life March on Washington Takes New Turn

Today pro-lifers marched on Washington to commemorate the anniversary of Roe V. Wade. Debbie Christianasshat, President of the Christians For Thumbs Up Our Asses, told the crowd, "Today we march to celebrate free babysitting, free college tuition and free health care for all women. We Christians are actually going to walk the walk and donate every penny of our incomes to those less fortunate. We are going to actually travel to the inner cities and help poor people find better jobs. We are going to open our perfect middle class homes to any child at all who needs a family. Who needs parents not addicted to drugs. Come to my house! Teen mothers addicted to heroin, sleep in my bed! Girls raped by their daddies, let me make you a cup of chamomile tea! Bring your unwanted children! We have homes to shelter them all!"
President Bush voiced his support by phone which was amplified for the crowd, though after Miss Christianasshat's speech, he was overheard on a call to Karl Rove asking if he too would be required to open the White House to any child in need of a safe home and a good education. Bush said, "I checked my bible, Rove. It said nothing in there about helping poor kids. I mean I saw a lot about bombing the shit out of any and all A-Rabs, but nothing about letting poor people touch my stuff."
Miss Christianasshat was seen later in a daisy chain with Dick Cheney, Tom DeLay and Tom Cruise.

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