Friday, January 20, 2006


Paris Hilton Announces Regrets

Today Paris Hilton's publicist read a brief press release titled, "Paris Hilton: Regrets. I've had a few." The text is reprinted below.

My Regrets
by Miss Paris Hilton

1) Spitting when I was paid to swallow.
2) Passing the dochie on the right hand side.
3) So-called Virginity Pledge.
4) Voting for Nader. Both times.
5) That french fry that Nicole dared me to eat.
6) Holding Nicki down while I dangled a spit glob centimeters over her face.
7) Standing on my gramma's dining room table over Christmas and showing them my interpretation of the bootie dance. When I'd *oops!* forgotten my panties.
8) Believing LiLo when she told me that I looked perfectly sober.
9) Telling people I read Anna Karenina all the way through when I just got halfway.

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