Sunday, January 29, 2006

 

Bush's State of the Union Speech Set to Stun Americans

President Bush's upcoming State of the Union address will address many of the issues concerning Americans today. A Washington insider who has seen the speech leaked parts to Celebrity Jihad. Among promises President Bush plans to make: a free ice cream cone on every American's birthday, abortions for anyone who hasn't gotten theirs before Alito gets nominated, and extra five million dollars to anyone earning more than five million dollars a year. The staffer described the speech to Rueters today as "thematic in nature." He continued, "It will be 500 pages long. It will be about a cat. A man searching for a cat. A man searching for his lost wife and a cat. It will be set in Japan, and at the end the president will broadcast from a hole." Oprah has voiced interest in filming the speech as a movie, but the more heavily thematic elements might become problematic for Oxygen's limited budget.

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